Sunday, May 29, 2016

On Being a Failure... Part Two (A weight loss story)

So I wrote Part One of "On Being a Failure" about three months ago, even though I just published it yesterday. 

Because that's another thing I frequently fail at... keeping up with blogging, LOL.

As I left off in Part One, I mentioned a "brain-based diet" or way of eating that has been proved successful by science." The free videos got me all excited. I love brain based stuff. The brain fascinates me. Unfortunately, I found they wanted $1000 to join the club (okay, really $997.00) but still... can you say Red Flag?

[Side Note: I am really tired of these super nice people pretending to be concerned about a very vulnerable population, feeding them hope, promising them love, support, caring, compassion... then hitting them with a $997.00 (or only three easy payments of $333.00!) solution. The interest in this program was insane. Thousands of people signed up, but for ease, let's just say two thousand people signed up. At $1000 a piece, that's two million dollars to the program owner. Run the program a couple times a year... and well, you get the idea. Why does this make me so angry? I am not against making money. Shit, I wish I could think of something as brilliant. I just think that this has a little bit of "preying on the vulnerable" vibe to it. Feeding hope to the obese, the unhappy, the unhealthy, the ones who hate themselves, the ones who desperately need help and would do just about anything. People like me.]

So, we scrapped that idea.  But I took the info from the free videos and applied them loosely to my way of eating. Basically the gist of it is to Plan Everything. If you sit down in the morning and plan exactly what you are going to eat throughout the day, you are taking the stress off your brain to make hundreds of decisions throughout the day about what you're gonna eat. That makes total sense. You're eliminating stuff like:

Brain: Hey Body, what are we gonna eat for breakfast? Eggs and bacon? Cereal? English Muffins with PB&J? Waffles? Protein shake?  Maybe stop at Dunkin Donuts for coffee and a breakfast sandwich. Should we make a lunch to bring to work? Maybe someone will ask us to lunch? Or should we make a run to the Taco Bell? Maybe we should grab a Lean Cuisine to microwave. Those candy bars in the vending machine sure look good. What should we have for dinner? Do I need to take anything out of the freezer? Tacos? But what if we go to Taco Bell for lunch? Maybe I'll make hamburgers. But then I have to stop on the way home for buns. Should I make Chicken Teriyaki? Fish? It's gonna be hot today. We should get some FroYo for dessert. Or maybe... 

Dear Brain...
Yeah, shut the hell up, Brain. Plan all your meals and snacks for the day, make (or at least plan) all your lunches for the week, and you won't have this constant dialogue in your head.

You're welcome. Feel free to send me $997.00 for this secret. Leave a comment asking for my paypal address.

I digress. How do I apply this to my life now? I plan a weekly menu, what we are going to have for dinner each day of the week. Believe it or not, it has saved me quite a bit of money at the grocery store because I know exactly what I need for the week, along with the school lunch staples and the rotating breakfast menu.  (And some of you know how much I hate grocery shopping!)

I work from home, so lunches usually consist of the previous night's leftovers. Or I will mentally tell myself at the start of the day, what I will have for lunch. Now I know what to take out of the freezer in the morning, for the nightly meal. (I used to be Queen of "Shit! I forgot to defrost something for dinner, let's go to Noodles and pick something up.")

So how has this helped me to lose weight? The beginning of February is when I started logging all my meals into an app called "MyFitnessPal" which is also linked to other apps like my FitBit and MapMyWalk, to log exercise.  (As of today, I have logged in for 119 days in a row - can I hear a woot!?) Planning my meals has been a huge help in logging my meals. It only takes me a few minutes a day to input the data, especially since the app keeps track of 'frequent' and 'recent' meals. I told the app my goals and it sets an amount of calories per day to stick to, to reach my goals. Great, right? My calorie "bank" is 1470 cal a day. Easy Peasy. Most days I am 200 calories under that without really trying. I don't feel like I am "restricted" or deprived in any way. It's a lifestyle change, I still go out to lunch with friends and a few times a month, out to dinner with my daughter. I make good choices, check the restaurant/calorie menu beforehand and relax and enjoy myself.

It took a couple weeks at the beginning of February for my body to get used to the program. Then I pretty consistently lost a pound a week. For the first time ever, without radical stress dieting, I lost weight with a healthy plan. (Can I get another woot!?)

I lost 12 lbs so far. Don't get me wrong. I am really proud of that. But no one, including me, can tell that I lost anything. Probably because I have at least another 50-60 lbs to go. As far as I can tell, it came off of my boobs and my calves, because my super expensive DDD bras are a little baggy, and I could recently zip up my boots without sweating and swearing.

But this is my Brain in May:

OH MY GOD. We are starving! We have to do everything we can to prevent Body from losing more weight! Prepare for the Zombie Apocalypse! There might be a food shortage! Fat! Don't you dare move off of Ass! Rolls! You stay right there, front and center! Thighs! Stay thick!

Hey Brain...
(Brain is a jerk sometimes.)

Yeah, despite 1200 calories, and walking 1-2 miles a day, I have come to a standstill. I have tweaked my diet, eliminating more stuff, eating out less. My chiro/wellness doc felt sorry for me and divulged his "$1000 secret" to me for free. (What is it with $1000 secrets? Women pay him that much to attend a seminar where he explains the research behind this secret. It is guaranteed to accelerate weight loss to the tune of 4-8 lbs a week. It has worked for countless women, including "the Hollywood stars" he counsels... me? Nada.) I'd tell you the secret, but you'd have to send me $1000 first.

I tried this "secret" for 2 weeks. (It is NOT a pill or supplement, just a tweak in nutrition.) Dr. said I should have lost at least 4-6 lbs. My metabolism should have been on fire. Two weeks is all I could stand. This tweak had me feeling BLAH the first six hours of my day. It did not increase my energy as promised, instead made me drag myself through the day. Plus, it had me eating more of something I was trying to eat less of, although my calorie intake remained the same, it was a big FAIL.

Am I gonna give up? Not on your my life! Because it's MY life we're talking about. This meat-suit has to last a bit longer, I got things to do. My goal is still health, and I know I have a long way to go. I just don't know what the next step is, how to kick Fat off Ass. Sometimes I just feel broken. I don't know if I will ever reach my goals, but quitting isn't an option.

That's one thing I've been successful at, not quitting.

1 comment:

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