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Dear Blog,
This is going to be the hardest post I've ever written. But first, I am so sorry for neglecting you for so long. I feel terrible about it. It has been quite a ride since the last post. I was mostly preoccupied with Artistcellar. We decided that we didn't want to wait until the new year to launch our new stencil line. And so we went full speed ahead through the ordering of supplies, designing graphics, making art for the inserts, manufacturing, and then packaging thousands of stencils. Whew. All without telling anyone what's going on.
The launch on October 28th went well. People loved the stencils. We got a lot of positive feedback. We were drunk on the excitement and dreaming of future possibilities. Life was good. A few days later I got a phone call from my doctor.
"You have breast cancer."
Four little words. Never in my life did I imagine that I would hear those four little words said to ME. I've never smoked or did drugs. I don't drink alcohol. I eat good foods, and drink organic milk and filtered water. I'm healthy dammit! And then this? I have never been so mixed up emotionally. Along with the excitement of our stencil debut, I am angry, sad, scared, depressed, anxious and full of self pity. And tired. So mentally tired. Already.
Where am I going to get the energy to kick this cancer's ass? I need a superhero costume...
My whole life has changed in a heartbeat. Some things just don't matter anymore. My family matters more than ever. My friends matter. As more people find out about my diagnosis, more love pours forth. I am amazed by the outpouring of support and prayers. The small stuff? Not sweating it.
I feel like I have stepped out of my life's story, out of my book, and right into the middle of a new story, written in a foreign language. I'm lost. The door has closed behind me and locked me in this new world and I can't get back. It sucks. Like a bad episode of "Twilight Zone".
It's not fair.
This Friday, December 2nd, I will have surgery. A lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy. My cancer is a Stage IIa, Grade 3, ER/PR+ and HER2+ (still learning the language...) In English, Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, 2.5cm tumor, aggressive. After I heal from surgery I will start Chemotherapy for 3 months, then radiation therapy for 6 weeks. Targeted therapy for the HER2+ factor every 3 weeks for a year. Then hormone therapy for 5 years. (The worst drug I've ever taken? Tylenol 3. I promptly vomited. My body doesn't like drugs.)
I already feel like I am losing myself. Who I am. I don't know anymore... this isn't me. I want my old boring life back.
Dear Blog, I don't want to turn you into a "Cancer Blog" but I will occasionally write about my journey into the dark winter months ahead. I hope this doesn't bother anyone. I try to journal but I find myself gravitating towards the keyboard rather than a pen and paper. I am attempting to make art to help sort myself out but so far I just want to tear up pages and stomp on them. I'll get there.
Goals: Get as healthy as I can before Chemo. Try to maintain a healthy mind and body during treatments. Collect some really kick-ass hats. Focus on Artistcellar because it may be the only thing that gets me through the day. Put on my warrior costume and fight like a girl.
And B R E A T H E
Just a quick post to remind everyone that Artful Gathering 2011 is about to commence! Classes start July 16th. Have you seen the teacher lineup? It's fabulous! Drawing, painting, collaging, bookmaking, journaling, jewelry, dollmaking, tool-using. Well, the one BAD thing about this event is choosing which classes to take! Today I'm leaning toward Jodi Ohl's class "Mixed Faux Encaustic Discovery." It's the type of art I want to focus on... but tomorrow I may change my mind. Good thing it's online and seats won't "sell out." I wish I could take all the classes... but alas, I'm not independently wealthy (yet) and I'm currently taking "21 secrets" and want to take a class at the upcoming CREATE event when it comes near my hometown in August.
In addition to this 'what class to take' conundrum, I'm very excited that ARTISTCELLAR is a sponsor of Artful Gathering! We have a very nice sponsor page over there, and if you leave a comment for me at the bottom of the page, you'll be eligible for a drawing for FREE goodies! I've put together an "appetizer platter" that includes a bottle of colorwash spray, a distress stain, a stencil, a jar of Stewart Gill Byzantia paint, and a pack of fibers. And I'm talking full size stuff... not mini-samples. So be sure the stop by, check out Artistcellar's sponsor page and leave a comment over there. The drawing will be very soon, Zinnia is working on the video right now. Here's a picture of the prize:
And this is only the FIRST giveaway prize. There are more giveaways to come. Other sponsors are also giving away prizes so be sure to visit them too!
See you there!!
I really wish I could take credit for this drawing but I can't. I can only take credit for birthing the child (9 year ago!) who made the drawing. Who made the drawing while sitting in the back seat of the car while driving to a meeting. Who kept drawing during the meeting while her mom and dad talked boring stuff like packaging and shipping and business. But what a beautiful drawing it turned out to be. And a wonderful introduction to this blog post, which is all about GOING GREEN!
I am so thrilled to announce that we (meaning artistcellar - it still sounds a little weird to the ears!) have found some packaging solutions that are a bit more earth-friendly than what we started out with. The main thing that bothered me was all that plastic bubble wrap I was wrapping around the jars of paint. Well, I don't have a lot of cushioning choices, if I want to protect the glass jars, bubbles are the best way to go. BUT... I discovered Globe Guard products and locally, Salazar Packaging, who sell eco-friendly packaging products. They came out with a great new product, biodegradable bubble wrap. WOOOT! It's even tinted green to remind you that it's "green". It degrades in a landfill in 12-24 months and cushions my little jars of paint beautifully.
We were a bit torn about the mailers. We had a choice between recyclable plastic mailers and heavy paper mailers. We went with the plastic mailers because they were so much lighter than the paper ones. We're also looking for ways to reduce shipping costs for you, so the plastic ones were the way to go. Just throw them in the recycling bin or bring them with your plastic grocery sacks to the recycling bins in the stores.
I'm happy I can do my little bit in being "green" and it WAS easy! If everybody did a little bit, it would make a BIG difference.
Now, who wants a beautiful, smart, creative, but GOOFY nine year old for a week? She's booored.
My new saying "Give a child a toy and she'll play with it for a week. Give a child a box and her imagination will soar for months to come!" Have a great rest of the week!
