How is this possible?

How can I be homesick for a place I've never lived? I was sitting in my office the other day (okay, it's really a dining room) and looked up at my Bar Harbor mermaid picture that I got from artist Russell D'Alessio and just felt... homesick.

Where I live now, I've lived my whole life. Minus ten years in the desert, an adventure, to say the least, but not a regret. It was a six hour drive to the Ocean, a weekend trip, which fulfilled me, sustained me, until next time. A week long trip down the Oregon Coast and I fell in love. Someday, I swore, I would live close to the ocean. I always thought it would be the Pacific Northwest. Somewhere near Portland. Oregon, that is. Certainly not Maine. That dream crumbled when we realized that the west coast was just not US. Too many people. Too expensive. Too close to Planet California.

It's strange. I'm not a swimmer. Or a surfer. Or a sailor. But I've always dreamed of the sea. I've written poetry about the sea. I feel happy when I see pictures of the sea. My favorite colors are sea and sky colors.

I want to be around the sea, not necessarily in it. I want to see it and smell it and taste the salty air.

Then we went to Maine. To be fair, it's the first time I've ever been to the East Coast. Mt Desert Island is the only place on the coast of Maine I've been. But I'm completely enamored. I feel like someone put a spell on me. I believe in love at first site again. I could live there. For the first time in years my husband was happy. I was happy. Celia was happy. 
(There are lots of rocks there.)

People tell me I'm crazy. (Not a secret.) They tell me it's really cold in Maine. (It's really cold in Chicago.) They say it's so far away. (Yeah. so...?) You'll have to do better to convince me. Especially when I sit in my car in the middle of the day on Roosevelt Road, in a crawling, bumper to bumper, horn honking, swearing, running red lights type of traffic jam. At one in the afternoon on a Thursday. I ask myself... Is it worth it? Is this what life is all about? Trying to breathe when there are a few million people sucking the air right out from in front of you?

I feel split in half. Half of me isn't "here" anymore. Half of me is wandering the shoreline. Yearning for a simpler life. Fresh air. Room to breathe. Nights dark enough to see the billions of stars that remind me how small and insignificant life is. And to not waste it anyway. The other half of me is surviving. Living in the endless overcrowded suburbs. Signing papers for mortgages and paying $7000 in property taxes and not even being able to get a library card. Watching my husband go to a job every day that physically makes him ill because the indoor air quality is so poor. Seeing my child grow up in an area where I don't feel safe anymore.

I miss the ocean, the salty spray, the waves crashing against the rocks, the seagulls crying.  I miss the color.

 

So now what?

 

How many of you are where you want to be? Doing what you love? Are you absolutely sure? Can you honestly say you're happy with your life? Do you deserve to be? Or is it an unattainable goal that you just dream of? 

And you end up just surviving life rather than living it?

Back to our regularly scheduled program...

That's an order! 


It's been very difficult getting back to "real life" after a visit to one of the most beautiful places in the country. My little family just took a 1200 mile road trip from Chicago to Bar Harbor Maine, with a 2 day stop in Burlington, Vermont. I've never been east of Indiana so it was all very exciting. I did keep a travel journal, but I'm ashamed to admit it's not "finished". I took notes along the way but I can't write or draw in the car without a bit of barfing to go along with it. Plus, I needed some of the 400+ pictures I took. I'll elaborate on the trip once I get my journal together. Just trust me when I say... [Loooooong Sigh]


I bought the picture above from a Vermont artist, Dug Nap. It resonated with me and I hung it up in my studio. Check out his web site, he comes up with some truly crazy stuff! Instead of tacky tourist souvenirs, we ended up supporting some local artists and bought some prints and artwork for our home. 


I had the most wonderful time gallery hopping in Bar Harbor, Maine. I met so many beautiful, friendly people and talented artists. Oh, so much to tell... but not all right now. One of my favorite galleries was D'Alessio Gallery, run by artist Russell D'Alessio and his wife Linda. I walked into his gallery, into his newest show, and there were Mermaids/Sirens of the sea hanging on the wall! How perfect is that? (I LOVE Mermies!) Linda told me about a class they were having in a few days with polymer clay artist Suzanne Anderson... and I thought I'd challenge myself. I've never seriously worked with clay before so Celia and I signed up. She was a great teacher and we came away from the class with several completed objects - a cool pendant and matching earrings. 

Not bad for a beginner, eh? Celia made a bunch of little beads and a replica of a nesting doll, but those I still have to bake and harden. It was such a fun day, creating with my hands, chatting with other artists, Russell even played his ukulele for us and Linda served us beautiful cupcakes :-) I was so sad to leave. All my artist friends are online so it was nice to talk to artists in "real" life. 


I think I'm in love. I don't like where I live right now, the endless stinky suburbia of a large city. I want to live here... by the ocean, by like minded people, where the air is clean and the water tastes good right out of the tap, and there's space around you and mountains to climb and stars to see at night. 

[Looooooong sigh]